He laboriously finished his blog post, hoping it would be read

Although I am normally a Latin and Greek teacher, for the first time this year I will also be teaching journalism. From there it is a slippery slope to creative writing.

So it's almost inevitable that this post should be about a writing tip. A pet peeve. Showing versus telling.

Good writing is subjective, so anyone who prescribes a way of writing is on thin ice. But tell me which sentence you'd rather read in a piece of fiction:

a) She extended her hand, grasped the doorknob and turned it tentatively, obviously expecting it to be locked.

b) She tried the knob. 

English is a language that generally rewards economy. Fewer words, more praise for your writing.

Fiction's the same way. The more you pile on and slow down the reader, the more temptation they have to stop reading.

So, all things being equal, b) makes more sense than a).

But, you say, it could be very important that the character expects the door to be locked. Shouldn't you alert readers of the fact?

That's where context makes a difference. Consider if you had these sentences before and after a):

The house looked like it was falling down, but the front door itself was sturdy.

She extended her hand, grasped the doorknob and turned it tentatively, obviously expecting it to be locked.

It opened easily. 

Now look at b) in the same context.

The house looked like it was falling down, but the front door itself was sturdy.

She tried the knob.

It opened easily. 

If you ask me, this one's the winner.

So which sentence is "showing,"and which is "telling"?

"Showing" means the reader sees the action like a movie. The emotions of characters are not explained, but suggested. 

The verb "tried" indicates the character's expectation that the door is locked, without actually telling the reader. "Tried" also indicates the tentative way in which the character addresses the doorknob.

Writers who "tell" navigate through a scene bit by bit, action by action. Instead of seeing a scene whole and choosing the best "shot," they laboriously label every thought and movement.

"Telling" is easy and is a good way to draft out a scene where you are exploring the situation. After you write the scene that way, you can edit away the unnecessary. 

So does an author never tell a character's thoughts and emotions? Now and then. But if you are in the head your character less, what she thinks becomes more significant. 

The house looked like it was falling down, but the front door itself was sturdy.

She tried the knob.

It opened easily. 

This is crazy, she said to herself. I'm about to enter the house of a murderer.

Isn't that a little more significant than expecting a door to be locked?

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Comments

[Enideros]

Hello, My name is Eric, Eric Niderost, and I am a writer and history teacher. Google my name and it will spit out many citations. BUT this note is not about me. I have written a book on Dr Frank Baxter and the science shows,, which will be published probably early next year. I enjoyed your post of 5-6 years ago on Meteora, and your blog will be in the bibliography. my e- mail is enbderos@yahoo.com

[DF]

Thanks for reading BwP, Eric. I will look for that book.