Narcissist gods

Laura of MoominLight picks up on a little teaser in a recent post-- I wrote that Greek mythmakers must have used narcissistic people as models for the gods-- and wants me to explain.

First, a disclaimer. A narcissist is a bully, to start, and I've spent most of my life as targets of such people. I seem to walk into their killing zones. I am currently learning how to stay out. So this is a well-known and sensitive subject for me. You judge if I am being objective here.

A narcissist can run the gamut from subtle manipulator and drainer of energy to full-blown alcoholic abuser. These are people with hollow insides who are running from the horror of whatever got done to them, is being done to them, or they are doing to themselves.

To read all you ever wanted to read about narcissists, start here. And Theriomorph's devastating post on how to love a narcissist is among the best things she's ever done.

Now if you're used to the rosy portrait of the Greek divinities created in the nineteenth century, you might think I'm crazy. The Greek gods as manipulators and abusers? Well, bear with me.

Both narcissists and Greek divinities

1. Have a great need for attention from those close to them (gods loved to be worshipped, and in the absence of worship they get grouchy and vindictive).

2. Siphon off physical and emotional resources from those close to them (gods love sacrifice-- so do narcissists, and neither of them are required to give back).

3. Grant boons at their whim, and expect tremendous gratitude for them (neither narcissists nor gods act out of love for (other) human beings, but for their own often incomprehensible reasons).

4. Do what they want to, when they want to, without apology.

5. Cannot relate emotionally to human beings; have a stunted sense of empathy or sympathy  (see the end of Euripides' play Hippolytus, where Artemis, who should be distraught over the death of her favorite worshipper, Hippolytus, explains that gods do not weep over humans).

6. Cannot stand being challenged and will attempt to strike down challengers (it's called hubris if a Greek attempted to make him- or herself equal to a god. With a narcissist it's just unacceptable)

7. Fly into vindictive rages when their territory is violated (Zeus, in Iliad 4, accurately suggests that Hera, the Greek goddess of marriage, would eat the Trojans raw because the Trojan Paris not only committed adultery with Helen, but took her away from her husband, dissolving the marriage).

8. Sometimes seem like normal humans, but transform themselves into their true nature when their cover is blown (see Demeter's very cruel encounter with queen Metaneira in the Homeric Hymn to Demeter).

A traditional maxim goes this way: "The gods give out three ills for every good."

The early philosopher Xenophanes was the first to point out that traditional divinities were often less moral than their human worshippers, which led to the declaration that such gods could not exist, because if a god is a god then he has to be better than a human in every way.

There is, of course, an essential difference between gods and narcissists. Gods are immortal and immensely powerful, while narcissists are ordinary human beings with the extraordinary capacity to make vulnerable people believe they, the narcissists, are immensely powerful.

And there are gods who are not narcissists-- my favorite is Hephaestus, the lame god of metals and technology. He is a victim of his mother's cruelty; Hera threw him out of heaven when she saw that he was physically ugly, and he fell with a crash onto the earth and became permanently disabled.

Hephaestus never hurts anyone out of his own whim, though he has the power to do so. Though laughed at and deceived by the gods, he uses his engineering skills to get even. The most famous example of revenge comes when he catches his wife Aphrodite and her lover Ares in Hephaestus' marriage bed, snaring them in an invisible trap as they take their adulterous pleasure.

The gods' personalities evolved as a result of the Greeks' observation of life and the world around them. Life for them was difficult, often out of their control, with occasional streaks of luck and moments of grace, coming at seemingly random times. This kind of life is very similar to that which one lives with a narcissist. It's no wonder philosophers looked for an alternative.

The next time someone tries to bully you, remember that though he or she may seem like a force of nature, he or she is NOT worthy of worship and can be faced up to successfully with a little bravery and clear thinking.

And I'll be there with you in spirit, trying to do the same thing.

Comments

[Lee]

I find it very difficult to draw the borderline, since I think there is quite a lot of the narcissist in all (almost all?) of us. At best I think we just learn to suppress and/or conceal it.

BTW, I've splurged on both Lombardo volumes!

[DF]

Congratulations on the Lombardo buy, Lee. I think you will really like him.

[kellincatty]

Another insightful post - Keep them coming!

[skint writer]

Excellent post DF, you have a knack for intertwining your subject and the reality of our lives.

[M Light]

(::: sotto voce ::: "Oh good. My question/comment did not offend.")

Hi, I came across this blog and wanted to comment. I'm coming out of a 16yr. marriage with a narcissist. I have seven children.

The previous poster said that they believe we all have narcissism to a point.

This isn't true in the strictest sense. Malignant narcissism is what my husband is. He at some point in his childhood evidently created a false self or image. THis image is the "god". IT must be served to exist or it vanishes because it is false!

They choose to serve and have all others serve this idol they created at all costs. IT's a different image for each one. My husband's image is one of a martyr christian, can do anything for anybody image.

He manipulates to hide his "acting out". See, a narcissist is actally emotionally stunted. They are on the average 6yrs. old or younger. So, there is why there is no empathy and they demand their script be followed to a tee! THey are a nasty mean six yr. old too. They will do what it takes to get what they want.

The real self is sooooooooooooooooo abhorred by the narcissist they really believe they will die if anyone reveals it, gets close to it etc.

A narcissist doesn't want love. Love would mean something real is in them and that is to remain dormant for eternity. They only want their golden calf built and sustained and their "acting out" hidden.

IT's all disgusting to me. My husband can fool anyone and everyone. IT's my children that woke me up and broke the family psychosis. Yes, we all shared in building his golden calf self. Sickening.

My kids ages 5, 8, 13, 15, 18, 20, 23 knew more than me. When my teens got to the age they had vocabulary for such thematic elements they started using it. At one point my 13, 15, and 18 yr. old told me they had all thought of suicide. This one two yrs. ago. That woke me up!

My husband effectively convinced me in the prior years that my kids lie, are rebellious, etc. I couldn't imagine a grown man lying. I'm so so so sorry for not believeing my children. We are in therapy with a wonderful therapist. Awesome woman! My oldest son is still in la la land somewhat.

My husband brainwashed us into believeing we couldn't live with out him. That he could do anything! So, my oldest son plays the game to keep the feeling that if he needed something my husband could fix it. My oldest son is married now to a suspect narcissist. It breaks my heart. He serves her idol just like he did my husbands. I pray for him daily.

THe rest of the kids are wide eyed. Keep me from la la la land when it gets rough and on the healing path. I couldn't ask for more!

Anyway, yes, we all have a love of self. Guess what. IT's love of the real self! The scriptures say that we are to love others as we love ourselves. We must first have a love of self to love others. Narcissists killed and buried their true selves years ago in their youth. A false idol or self cannot love because it doesn't even exist. All that can be done is to feed the lies and the false edifice. Thanks for listening.

[DF]

Great comment. Thank you for the important distinction you draw between ordinary self-love/selfishness and clinical narcissism. I wish you all the best in your healing process. I know it won't be easy. You have a hard road ahead of you. But you have your eyes open now, so congratulations. Maybe my post combined with your comment will be seen by others on the Internet, and they will gain strength from it. I hope so.