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« Pandora and The Little Engine That Could | Main | Narcissist gods - II »

Comments

Lee

I find it very difficult to draw the borderline, since I think there is quite a lot of the narcissist in all (almost all?) of us. At best I think we just learn to suppress and/or conceal it.

BTW, I've splurged on both Lombardo volumes!

DF

Congratulations on the Lombardo buy, Lee. I think you will really like him.

kellincatty

Another insightful post - Keep them coming!

skint writer

Excellent post DF, you have a knack for intertwining your subject and the reality of our lives.

M Light

(::: sotto voce ::: "Oh good. My question/comment did not offend.")

Hi, I came across this blog and wanted to comment. I'm coming out of a 16yr. marriage with a narcissist. I have seven children.

The previous poster said that they believe we all have narcissism to a point.

This isn't true in the strictest sense. Malignant narcissism is what my husband is. He at some point in his childhood evidently created a false self or image. THis image is the "god". IT must be served to exist or it vanishes because it is false!

They choose to serve and have all others serve this idol they created at all costs. IT's a different image for each one. My husband's image is one of a martyr christian, can do anything for anybody image.

He manipulates to hide his "acting out". See, a narcissist is actally emotionally stunted. They are on the average 6yrs. old or younger. So, there is why there is no empathy and they demand their script be followed to a tee! THey are a nasty mean six yr. old too. They will do what it takes to get what they want.

The real self is sooooooooooooooooo abhorred by the narcissist they really believe they will die if anyone reveals it, gets close to it etc.

A narcissist doesn't want love. Love would mean something real is in them and that is to remain dormant for eternity. They only want their golden calf built and sustained and their "acting out" hidden.

IT's all disgusting to me. My husband can fool anyone and everyone. IT's my children that woke me up and broke the family psychosis. Yes, we all shared in building his golden calf self. Sickening.

My kids ages 5, 8, 13, 15, 18, 20, 23 knew more than me. When my teens got to the age they had vocabulary for such thematic elements they started using it. At one point my 13, 15, and 18 yr. old told me they had all thought of suicide. This one two yrs. ago. That woke me up!

My husband effectively convinced me in the prior years that my kids lie, are rebellious, etc. I couldn't imagine a grown man lying. I'm so so so sorry for not believeing my children. We are in therapy with a wonderful therapist. Awesome woman! My oldest son is still in la la land somewhat.

My husband brainwashed us into believeing we couldn't live with out him. That he could do anything! So, my oldest son plays the game to keep the feeling that if he needed something my husband could fix it. My oldest son is married now to a suspect narcissist. It breaks my heart. He serves her idol just like he did my husbands. I pray for him daily.

THe rest of the kids are wide eyed. Keep me from la la la land when it gets rough and on the healing path. I couldn't ask for more!

Anyway, yes, we all have a love of self. Guess what. IT's love of the real self! The scriptures say that we are to love others as we love ourselves. We must first have a love of self to love others. Narcissists killed and buried their true selves years ago in their youth. A false idol or self cannot love because it doesn't even exist. All that can be done is to feed the lies and the false edifice. Thanks for listening.

DF

Great comment. Thank you for the important distinction you draw between ordinary self-love/selfishness and clinical narcissism. I wish you all the best in your healing process. I know it won't be easy. You have a hard road ahead of you. But you have your eyes open now, so congratulations. Maybe my post combined with your comment will be seen by others on the Internet, and they will gain strength from it. I hope so.

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