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Deep Dive: The Borschland Hockey Second and Open Divisions

The second and open (regional) divisions of the Borschland Hockey League are the place where a real hockey fanatic can find total satisfaction.

In the lower levels, you might get a thousand people to come to the game and it's packed, it's crazy, just like the top league; maybe more.

And the hockey, though by no means polished, is pretty good and always energetic.

Here is a list of the second division (professional and semi-professional) teams:

  1. Oststaff
  2. University of Borschland - Tujrspaarck
  3. University of Borschland - St. Elisabeth
  4. Gottwrischer
  5. Ellafuus
  6. Rachenz-Lassefball
  7. Lisandra
  8. Tisbe
  9. Alma
  10. Dafna
  11. Kanaal
  12. Bijfhaf
  13. Armaruj
  14. Limpael
  15. St. Borsch
  16. Benjaminburg

These leagues, incidentally, act as the de facto university league. Unlike the U.S., Borschland has about six large universities, no private universities, and very few of the population actually go to college. The Borschland Navy has the best university school, located at Oststaff in the Staff Borsch metropolitan area. A lot of cadets from the academy play for the team, but it is a professional team and all players, whether students or not, are paid to play.

The University of Borschland has two teams, the Faculty of Tierspaarck and the Faculty of Sankt-Elisabeth. These two are rivals. Tierspaarck is the Arts and Sciences university and Sankt-Elisabeth is the vocational (Engineering-Medical-Finance) school.

Gottwrischer, which has the biggest seminary for deacons and deaconesses in the country, also has a team, though seminary students tend not to play for that team. Gottwrischer is one of a few teams in the second division that has played in the top league in the past, although at this point there is no relegation/promotion system in Borschland hockey.

BGEA Facultejt (Facultejt for short) is the name of the team of the Agricultural University of Borschland located in Bjaward. The sixth school, Retter (which means Rescue) is actually another military academy, for the coast guard, and it plays in the regional open division (West).

Armaruj is a second division club that is a hybrid of a military (Army) academy and a private club. The owners of Armaruj do have some cadets on their team, but the best cadets in that academy play for the Rjaward team in the top division.

The rest of the second division teams are professional or semi-professional private teams. Ellafuus is the best-funded team, and for a while like Gottwrischer they used to be in the BHL. There's also a team called Rachenz-Lassefball, a crazy name for a team, but it’s really two cities merged together for one club. Also there's a team from Lisandra, which is the big apple brandy town in the center of the country. Tisbe is Lisandra's rival. Alma, which is a pretty big place in the mountains down south, has a very good team. They really take pride in their hockey down there. Also, there's the sister team to Holtzlund, from a little town called Dafna. Matexipar's unofficial minor league team is called Kanaal; they use Matexipar's rink sometimes. Also, the Loflins have a team in Bijfhaf, the capital of Loflinland. The last three teams are Limpael, a town across the bay from Bevinlunz, St. Borsch, which is on the river between Staff Borsch and Domaatische, and Benjaminburg, which is St. Borsch’s rival. There isn’t actually a “Saint” Borsch; the town was named after the Borschic people’s belief that Borschland is the heavenly country of God mentioned in the Book of Revelation. So really that town might better be called “Holy Borschland.”

It’s a weird country.

Of those teams, the best are usually Alma, Ellafuus, and Gottwrischer. Those teams have been in the BHL in the past. But don’t count out Rachenz-Lassefball, Oststaff, or Lisandra. Kanaal is usually pretty dreadful, kind of funny considering that's the team the perennial contenders Matexipar draws from, and the others are always or almost always bad, but they’re always entertaining. My favorite is Limpael. That's a fishing village and they call their team the Narwhals. Whenever an opposing player scores a goal they throw fish on the ice and guys have to skate around sweeping them up. Limpael has a rink that might seat a thousand. It's about five rows on all sides and made out of wood. Some day that thing is going to go up in flames when somebody leaves a peat-weed pipe in a trash can.

Here is a list of the other sanctioned teams in the lower divisions that are able to compete in the Flowering Branch Cup, which is the annual open tournament of Borschic hockey, somewhat like the FA Cup in UK soccer.

By the way, whenever you see the word “gild” in a team name, that means the team is sanctioned by a certain professional association, such as railroads, brewers, and peat cutters.

 

Southeast (Borschland River, Coast, Peat Bog)

 

  1. Eahnstaff
  2. Octavion (Vinasola)
  3. Krosstop
  4. Pohlmatische
  5. Itasca
  6. Schmendefergild
  7. Veenknechtgild
  8. St. Grundel-Mittelmascht

 

Central (Agricultural heartland)

 

  1. Wootenmaas
  2. Linblad
  3. Kanaal
  4. Gull-Overboom
  5. Fratres (Vinasolan ex-pats)
  6. St. Benjamujn
  7. Brachtebald
  8. Gerijnigen Brandujwijn

 

North (Mountains and Plains)

 

  1. Patineur Alma
  2. Eschmass
  3. Ereblad
  4. Zwischellund
  5. Veefgoodergild
  6. St.-Nicholaas-Meechenstaff
  7. Hijst
  8. King-Frujdrick-Nojkapeel

 

West (Mountains and Coast)

 

  1. Noj-Sporting-West (Dafna)
  2. Skujklub Jorkë
  3. Groot Maalstaff
  4. Retter (Coast Guard Academy, Onatthav’n)
  5. Brouwergild
  6. St-Pujtr-Altstaff
  7. Verbrodering-Hammerspujl
  8. Genk

 

 

 

Borschland Deep Dives

  • Sherm Reinhardt and the Black Rose: An excerpt
  • Standings - Borschland Hockey League 336 NR
  • Deep Dive: The Borschland Hockey Second and Open Divisions
  • L'étranger sur glace: chapitre 1
  • Skater in a Strange Land, a sample
  • The origins of "Skater in a Strange Land"
  • Some facts about Borschland

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